Someone please make a safe Umbrella
It’s not that hard: you take something which is lethal and make it slightly safer, so that when it rains – and we’re in England, so invariably it does – people can get umbrella’s out without poking each others'eyes out. Except still, for some very obscure reason, the world still has to make do with lethal weapon umbrella’s.
Just what is going on?
As with many of my rants, this one was triggered by a dream: I was dreaming that I lived in a world where dangerous umbrella’s were outlawed, and anyone in possession of one was immediately carried off the street kicking and screaming. So you can imagine my rage and fury when I awoke to discover that, alas, I still lived amongst a NATION OF WRONGDOERS! It wasn’t the best way to wake up to the world, I can tell you.
The problem, of course, is that despite the huge number of umbrella’s out there, there rarely ever seems to be an accident. I’ve never seen one, at least. And that’s the problem right there! It’s a sad state of affairs when you need more accidents to happen so that we can have safer, better umbrella’s!
My friend Gary who owns the running shop next door says I ought to calm down, but seriously, it isn’t just me who wants to keep his eyesight, is it? No. So please, if you have a dangerous umbrella knocking about, tape up the sharp bits before you take someone’s eye out!
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